Hodnes laik kwelness, hodnes laik uf
by pur toujours
Summary: Set just after 2x15. Hodnes laik kwelness, love is weakness. Hodnes laik uf, love is power.
1. Chapter 1

"I'm sorry Clarke, they weren't part of the deal." Lexa spoke in an even, emotionless voice while her hands shook and she fought to keep herself in place "But - I - We" Clarke stumbled over the words, her eyes filling with tears as she watched Lexa turn and stalk away until the Commander was gone, her army following

* * *

"Heda" Indra spoke cautiously once they entered the Commanders tent, "You done what was best for our, your, people"

"I know. What are we going to do about the Mountain Men?" The commander voice was tight and her face void of any emotions

"What do you mean, Heda?" A chieftain asked, "We have our people back"

"Jus drein jus daun. They have killed hundreds, thousands of our own. Blood must have blood."  
The chieftain's spoke for what felt like an entire age to Lexa, who was seated on her throne barely listening to them speak

"Heda?" Indra's voice broke through, "Heda?"

Lexa couldn't hear a word that was being said to her, her mind was trapped in the memory that happened not even an hour ago of leaving Clarke on the mountain. Lexa knew that Clarke wouldn't leave if her people, all of her people, were with her. Lexa knew that Clarke would die tonight because of her actions. Unbeknown to Lexa, her entire body was shaking while Indra and the chieftains watched on in fear for their commander

"Did they poison her?" The chieftain from the desert asked

"Heda?" Indra repeated a little more forcefully, getting no answer

"She is weak" The chieftain from the Ice lands snarled, receiving a strong hit from Indra that nearly knocked the chieftain to the ground. The sound of flesh on flesh seemed to shake Lexa from her mind to see Indra squaring off with the ice chieftain

"Stand down" Lexa said quietly "Stand down now or face the consequences" Lexa repeated when she seen the ice chieftain standing defiantly, putting her hand on the hilt of her sword,

"Get out. Get out now."

The chieftains could see the commander shaking like a leaf in the winter winds and the pure anger in her eyes and left without argument, passing two guards stationed outside of the tent. Just as the last chieftain left, they hard banging and crashing from the other side of the tent flaps, followed by yells of anger and screams of frustration. The guards looked at each other and then at Indra who simply shook their head and gestured for them to stay where they were.

* * *

On the other side of the tent Lexa had flipped the war table, she had punched holes in various solid objects which left her knuckles bloodied and bruised and she was in the midst of attacking her throne with her sword. The sword left deep gouges in the massive chair until she had hacked at it enough that it was near unrecognisable and she moved onto everything else in the room. By the time that she had dropped her sword she had no surviving furniture left and there were various holes in her tent that would need to be seen too but in that moment of time Lexa wasn't thinking about that, she couldn't, all that was on her mind was Clarke. Clarke. The girl she cared for most in this world, the only girl that dared challenge her time and time again. Clarke, her only equal in this world. Dead. She had gotten her killed. She had killed her love for the sake of her people. Lexa's chest was heaving with the struggle she was having breathing, Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, her mind shouted at her without fail. Dead, just like Costia. Would she receive Clarkes head as well? The thought of it alone hurt more than receiving Costia's head. Lexa falls to her knees with a painful thud, twists her hands in her head and screams. Screams for all the people she lost. Screams for her brother, her mother and father. Screams for Anya. Screams for Costia. Screams for Clarke. She screamed until her throat couldn't take it and she could taste blood in her mouth and her chest was burning. Her screams turn to gasping breaths as she clutched her chest in an attempt to breath but she couldn't. She couldn't breath when she knew Clarke wouldn't be by the end of the night. She could feel her eyes burning but she wasn't crying, why wasn't she crying? She had thrown her love to the river and sold the last human part of herself. She had never hated anyone the way she hates herself in this moment, not the nation who cut Costia's head off, not the Mountain Men for hunting, killing, making her people into monsters for as long as anyone could remember, not the people who took her family, not the people who killed Anya. Clarke, Clarke, Clarke, the name played through her head without pause, images of the girls face flooded her mind and memories of the kiss they shared burnt her eyes. Clarke, Clarke, Clarke. She screamed again, she screamed Clarkes name she was sure the Mountain Men could hear her, she screamed and screamed trying to drown out the name, the images and the kiss.

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

She repeated to herself enough the words tasted foul and sounded foreign "Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

She had to force herself to believe it, she had to believe it or she would order her army straight back to the mountain. Straight back to Clarke.

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

"Hodnes laik kwelnes."

She repeated it until a voice broke through, a voice so similar that it pained her, a voice she never wanted to hear again and a voice that she wanted to listen to for the rest of her life

"No, Hodnes laik uf" Clarke's voice whispered and suddenly that's all she could hear. She couldn't hear her people shouting, she couldn't hear her erratic breaths, she couldn't hear anything but Clarkes voice "Hodnes laik uf and jus drein jus daun"

Love is power and blood must have blood

"Hodnes laik uf and jus drein jus daun"  
She needed to go back to the mountain

"Hodnes laik uf and jus drein jus daun"

* * *

"Heda" A voice shouted when Lexa left the tent "Heda"

"Heda"

"Heda" was repeated through the crowd until Lexa held her fist above her head to silence them

"_I am returning to the mountain. I will not run from the Mountain Men any longer, they have hunted us, they have killed us, they have killed small children and the elderly, they have preformed disgusting experiments on us and turned us into monsters. I say no more. Jus drein jus daun. I will not hide. I will not let our peoples deaths go unanswered. I will not leave the Sky People to die. This is not an order. Whoever joins me must come on their own free will, those who choose not to join will not face consequences. Who is with me?" _Lexa finished with a strong yell, getting a deafening roar back in response as warrior after warrior gathered their weapons and healers grabbed their kits and archers picked up every spare arrow they had. The dead are gone and the living are hungry.


	2. Chapter 2

"Where is she?" Lexa demanded when she had reached camp Jaha after realising that Clarke had succeeded and brought the Mountain Down

"She doesn't want to see you" Bellamy replied

"Where is she?" Lexa repeated, putting her hand on her sword

"Kill me if you want, commander, but she still won't want to see you." Bellamy said and stalked inside of the Arc

"Go back to camp, Indra. Make sure the injured are seen to and everyone is fed" While the army was running through the forest they came up against sixty Mountain Men who had already been cured. The Mountain men had guns and explosives, injuring twenty of her people before they had realised what was going. Some had been severely injured with limbs being blown off by the explosives while others had minor injury's such as a bullet to the leg.

"Heda?" Indra asked

"I'm staying here. I will wait until Clarke wishes to see me before I return" Lexa said, "Go"

"Octavia, stay with the Commander at all times unless she orders you to leave." Indra told he second who nodded and went to stand beside Lexa

"That isn't necessary" Lexa commented but made no real objections towards it

* * *

It took two days for Lexa to memorise the guard schedule and a third to figure out the floor plan of the Arc and almost a week to discreetly gather enough information to know that Clarke was residing in the healing ward. The moment she knew Clarke was in the healing ward, her heart and mind stopped for what felt like an age before both started again at triple the speed that they were before, her heart was beating so hard and fast she was sure it would burst straight out of her chest while her mind played endless scenario's about what could have happened to Clarke. That was what put Lexa in the current situation she was in, hiding underneath a bed because she rushed ahead and didn't think about any remaining factors when sneaking into the healing ward, like Clarke's friends visiting her. An hour passed and she was still hiding underneath the bed and her body was starting to cramp from staying in the same position for so long when it was used to nearly constant movement

"I'm getting tired, guys" Clarke's voice sounded rough but it made Lexa's heart swell with joy at hearing it again

"Okay, we'll leave you. Sweet dreams" Her friends murmured and one by one until the room was completely empty again and Lexa slowly got out from underneath the bed to see Clarke already asleep. Lexa took this time to gaze at the women she thought dead and try to access the extent of her injury's before sitting on the edge of Clarke's bed and letting herself feel all of the emotions she had pent up. Her head was bent over into her hands and her body shaking from the silent sobs and her mouth whispered "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over again to the sleeping girl. Lexa didn't notice Clarke's eyes opening or her body sitting up until she felt a hand touch hers

"I'm so sorry, Clarke" Lexa whispered with tears on her cheek and her hand tightly gripping Clarke's

"I didn't understand why you left. I didn't and I was so angry at you. But then I had to make a choice, kill everyone in the Mountain and save my people or have them kill my people and I understood. I can't blame you for leaving when I know I would have done the same" Clarke whispered, trying to shift closer to Lexa and grimaced in pain before Lexa gently pushed her back down

"You're hurt. What happened?" Lexa asked

"It's nothing" Clarke replied

"What happened, Clarke?"

"It was only Octavia, Monty and Jasper. They figured out we were there and sent cured people to find us. I didn't have a gun so I tried to get close enough where their guns would be too difficult to use but he shot be in the stomach and leg before I could get closer. I would be dead if it wasn't for Octavia, she saved my life." Clarke relayed the story, "Then we made our way to the control room with the leaders father. I shot him because the leader wouldn't give me my people. They started removing marrow faster so I had Monty hack into the system. I radiated the entire floor, killing everyone who hadn't received treatment yet. I killed them without a single thought to who I was killing" Clarke's voice broke, "I tried to be the good guy but I killed innocent children and people who helped us."

"There are no good guys in war" Lexa whispered, "Only those who survive and those who lose"

"Why are you here, Lexa?" Clarke asked, tightening her grip on Lexa's hand

"Ai sonraun laik yu sonraun. Why didn't you want to see me?"

"I was scared. I feel so weak right now and I was scared of you seeing me weak." Clarke answered, knowing that Lexa wouldn't translate trigedasleng

"You're the strongest person I've ever met" Lexa agreed, looking into Clarke's eyes and seeing how tired she was, "Rest. I'll be back later"

"Don't leave me" Clarke whispered to Lexa's retreating form and watched as the commander tensed before turning back around

"Never again" Lexa said, taking a seat in the chair nearest to Clarke's bed

* * *

Lexa was jolted awake by the sound of Clarke screaming out, Lexa automatically went for her sword when she realised that Clarke was still asleep and thrashing around in the cot.

"Clarke" Lexa whispered, gently shaking her shoulder to try wake the girl up, "Clarke" Lexa tried shoving a little harder and when that didn't work, she climbed into Clarke's bed beside her and pulled the girl so she was half on the lap and whispered sweet nothings in between gently kissing Clarke's face. Lexa could vividly her mother doing this for her after her first kill or be killed situation. Slowly, Clarke's screams turned to whimpers which soon turned into the sound of the blondes even breathing. Lexa tried to move from the bed but felt Clarke's arms tighten around her and looked to see blue eyes staring up at her

"Hei" Lexa murmured

"Hello" Clarke replied

"Are you okay?"

"You left and didn't come back"

"I am right here, Clarke" Lexa replied, confused

"In my dream" Clarke clarified, "You left and you didn't come back. You didn't care."

"I would never leave you for long. Osir keryon ste teina. Sleep now Clarke, you must rest" Lexa said, trying to get up only to be anchored down again

"I... Can you stay here, please? Just tonight" Clarke asked in a quiet voice

"Okay" Lexa replied simply

"You know Octavia can translate everything you wont say in my language, don't you?" Clarke asked after a long silence

"Yes. I also know that you want to hear it from my mouth so you wont ask. Go to sleep." Lexa replied, gently kissing Clarke's forehead and tightened her arms around the girl


End file.
